Carboholism & Random Thoughts

I have a confession to make…I am a carboholic…I could eat nothing but pasta and bread for every meal for the rest of my life.  Pasta is my meal time staple and always sounds good.  I feel like I probably have some kind of imbalance that would cause this or maybe my taste buds just know good when it hits them in the face?!  I don’t know, this seems like a problem seeing as it turns to sugar, but at this point I can’t even imagine depriving myself of its goodness or even rationing it for that matter!  Oh one more quick confession before I hit up my other subjects of choice…I bought oreos…double stuff (not on purpose I actually don’t like that much filling) and I ate them…all but 4 in two weeks time.  Here’s the deal I don’t ever want to tell myself I can’t have something, that just makes me want it more.  Having the stuff in the house helps me because I know it’s there and it if I wanted to I could eat it!  The problem comes when I do want it I sit down with the entire bag and dunk until I’m full…usually about 6 oreos later.  I WANT to get full off of them, I have terrible perspective and I’m not sure how to fix it?!  

Moving on, I just used the restroom and ran into one of my friends.  We were both looking in the mirror like we hadn’t seen ourselves in daylight.  Appalled would be the correct wording here…we both agreed that we’d been lied to and deceived by our mirrors at home.  Her comment was that it looked like she had done her makeup with a dimly lit candle!  I promise you I looked awesome when I left the house and then there it was…the worst lighting on earth starring us in the face.  Pale with circles under the eyes, surely if I knew this is what I looked like I wouldn’t have left the house?!  This is not the first time I have been severely betrayed by a mirror and I know it won’t be the last!  While I am talking randomness, how come underwear always lands crotch up?!  ALWAYS!  You can even try and throw it so that it will land in a more desirable position, but no…I asked around before putting it into the blog and confirmed that this isn’t because I have some kind of weird gravitational pull!! 

We’re going to a wedding this weekend and for weeks I searched for the perfect dress.  A couple weeks ago I bought a purple one shoulder number from the juniors department.  After a week of looking at the dress hanging in my bathroom and even trying it on a few times I decided several things, it was too purple, too short and too young.  Those who know me realize I hate the color purple. ( sorry mom I have to tell this one)  I’ve never actually been fond of the color; even though I was a tomboy I loved dresses and feeling girly, while playing in the dirt and finding roly polys of course.  If you’ve ever had to buy the same item for two girls but different colors, what would you buy?  Purple and pink of course.  I think you know where I’m going here… I always ALWAYS wanted the pink and I always got the purple.  There was no way for my mother to know this because I never mentioned it.  I never wanted her to think I didn’t like my presents, I thought it would be disappointing or I would sound like an ungrateful brat!!  The result of this is my hatred for purple.  Having a daughter now I don’t want to permanently taint her view of the color or even heaven forbid hate pink because I had a personal vendetta against purple!   This wasn’t always my feeling, on my invites and registries for my baby showers I noted specifically NO PURPLE.  I have been able to branch out enough since then to buy her some items of a periwinkle nature…it’s a slow process.   So back to my story, it was a huge deal for me to even try on the plum dress let alone buy it.  Color alone was not the issue but it certainly didn’t help when I was standing in full costume picking it apart.   I ended up returning it and buying a mostly black dress from White House Black Market, it is beautiful and sophisticated and NOT from the juniors department.  I am a mom after all, I have to consider these things while shopping now!  Not to say I would ever sport anything frumpy but I also don’t want to run around in Abercrombie with my daughter in toe, we’ve already discussed how I look like a college kid!  

My final thought for the day: the weather has cooled to a brisk 80 degrees and I can finally justify wearing my knee high Nine West riding boots.  This is our third year together and because at this time last year I was slightly smaller than volts wagon beetle I wasn’t able to wear them!   We have once again been reunited and I am sporting them this very moment and will attempt to wear them every day until summer next year!!

Death by Candy Corn

9/16/10

HUGE DISAPPOINTING FEW WEEKS…several minor setbacks!   Last weekend I was sick with a cold, just a normal run of the mill stuffy nose blah feeling.   I haven’t been sick since before I was pregnant with my daughter so I suppose I was about due.  I caught the little bug from her which is not surprising considering I am regularly covered in her baby goo along with most of my clothes.  Oddly enough being sick made me day dream for a moment and say “awww fall” even though it was 105 degrees outside.   My workout record for this weekend was zero, just like the weekend before.   I feel like I’m losing my momentum and will to workout.  Where did the motivation go!?!   I still want it, but I don’t want to work at it!?  I was doing so well and now I feel like it takes all my energy to get out of bed in the mornings and stay awake 15 consecutive hours, hell for that matter an hour!  I’m completely exhausted and the bags under my eyes are weighing me down.  I need sleep!! 

9/23/10

Though not much has changed since my writing the other day I most definitely have some things to say.  First off I made the mistake of walking down the Halloween candy isle while en route to the checkout to buy diapers.   While in my little paradise of sugar I saw my all time favorite season specific treat…candy corn.  Oh how I love those yellow, orange and white candies that melt in your mouth in creamy perfection!  Needless to say I bought one bag of corn and one bag of the pumpkins.   The corn lasted a good 4 days and the pumpkins I took to work.  This is not a good idea, every time I walked to the printer I grabbed one…really, I mean come on a little self control goes a long way but  when you are snacking in such a casual way how can you possibly be aware that you yourself have turned into a pumpkin?!  You can’t, so I advise against this candy keeping practice.  Quick confession: I bought 2 more bags and one is gone, the other bag is sitting next to a ¼ a bag of cinnamon chips!!  As most women, near my time of the month about  a week before I eat everything and once that’s gone, I eat everything else and try not to get my hand too close to my mouth.  This might actually explain the 588 pieces of candy corn I ate last week.   

I bought a dress last weekend for a wedding that I need to be perfectly slim for, it looked good, no bloating allowed though!   I could even stand to lose an lb.  On this same note I don’t like my dress, I’m having major buyers remorse which is fine, I just need to find  a new one!  When I went in I was thinking black, just above the knee, sleek, sophisticated and sexy.  What I bought was purple, 6 inches above the knee and young.  I got excited that it was in my price range and let me tell you, there is not a lot out there under a $100, it was madness.  Same for a baby dress, retailers are crazy if they think I’m going to down that much money on a dress that will be worn once.  Well in our case twice because she’ll be wearing it for her birthday, but still!!   Thank goodness my oh so talented mother is whipping up a little black dress for my little darling!   So in short here, I need to focus and remotivate…how?!  I don’t know…I’m open for suggestions.  Staring endlessly at Victoria Secret Magazines tends to help, which is easy when they send you one every day.  Speaking of VS magazines, they did help me revamp my hair a little, I saw a girl with the prettiest hair…as always…and so I dyed it and gave it a little trim, most of my hair ventures turn out to be happy little accidents.  I’m quite pleased, but I would like to add some highlights when my mom comes down for Bradley’s birthday…hint hint

Office Fare

This morning when I walked into the kitchen at work there was the sweet aroma of something disastrous to my new eating habits. I quickly surveyed the little room to see a white box that in my mind had angels floating around it coaxing me to look inside. I glanced over my shoulder making sure no one would catch me in my endeavor and opened the box. I’m not going to lie, a minute part of me (and we are talking small here) wanted the box to be empty or filled with snakes, but no. Inside was the glorious round morsels I was hoping for, cooked in fat and coated with sugar not to disappoint…donuts. I immediately threw my Central Market Organic Buckwheat, Barley and Blueberry Waffles into the freezer and dove head first into my new breakfast! By the way those waffles are amazing, but let’s face it I’ve eaten 2 every morning for the last 3 months, I was weak and my taste buds were bored. I grabbed one chocolate iced and one glazed. They were amazing and to my surprise I didn’t feel as guilty as I felt I should have. Why? I’m not sure, they didn’t make me feel bloated and I certainly wasn’t planning to eat the whole box. Maybe I made a secret vow to myself to work them off, I don’t recall that part but you just never know! I did good with lunch, the white to a hardboiled egg (my sister would freak to find out I threw the yolk away) a blueberry scone, reduced calorie Laughing Cow spreadable cheese with vegetable crackers and a handful of grapes. Impressive I know and very filling. A little note on the eggs, make sure you get ALL of the shell off. The other day while eating this exact lunch I missed a tiny piece and bit down right on top of it! UGH it’s the equivalent to nails on a chalkboard for your mouth and a small step up from tin foil! It’s giving me shivers; I can’t talk about it anymore!! After lunch I had the same dilemma as the morning. The kitchen held yet another glutinous item that called me in, a birthday cake. I thought for about 3 ½ seconds before I committed to a small slice. I ate all but the last bite, as much as I wanted to eat it I knew I was full and shouldn’t. I thought about today’s blog and how I would have to own up to it if I finished the cake just so I wouldn’t be considered wasteful. As I stared into the multicolored sprinkles and the fork already in place, I did something I’ve rarely ever done,…I threw it away! I usually even keep the plastic silverware to use later, not this time I needed to throw it out before I could regret one more bite!!


This was in my mind a successful day, I indulged where needed and said no when I was full…awesome!

Importance of Mirrors

I went to the orthopedic on Monday for my knees I injured 13 years ago in a hurdling incident. I was way too cocky back in the day and when an older guy asked me to race before my event I wasn’t about to refuse! I remember the people in the stands and that adrenaline stricken feeling you get before the race starts. A friend was calling the start and just when I could feel the energy pulsing up through my shoulders she called it and we were off. I had a decent 3 inch lead when on the third hurdle I grazed the top just a little too close and as my trail leg caught the hurdle my lead snapped straight and my left knee hyper-extended…this pretty much ended my hurdling career. It took forever to heal and practice was agonizing. This is the reason both my knees still sound like a person snapping when I walk up a flight of stairs. I’m fairly certain I freak out any one next to me on the stair climber! So any who after sitting in a crowed waiting room full of post surgery patients I thought for sure the diagnosis would require surgery and thank goodness it doesn’t! The doc said that they can both be fixed through therapy which is great news…though it would have been a nice excuse not to work-out.  Actually I’m not that desperate for an excuse, I’ve really been enjoying my workouts, when I get to do them. I went on Saturday and forced my abs to crunch in unnatural ways and I was stuck in a hunched over position for a good 3 hours after that. Of course I run home and throw my shirt off and stare closely into the mirror and weigh myself because certainly my one awesome workout should have immediate results! Though I hadn’t eaten breakfast, I was quite proud of my weight and my tummy dimple you can’t convince me isn’t a tone line. A few weeks back I treated myself to some Victoria’s Secret fold over yoga pants and leopard print sports bras. They make me feel fantastic, you don’t even realize how the clothes you’re wearing can help you lift more weight or stretch a little longer in front of the mirror. Though I am against checking yourself out in the mirror for extended periods of time I do recommend making sure things aren’t hanging out…which actually brings me to a point. This little nugget brings me to address the men, not that any read this or even care what I’m about to say but here goes. I was driving back to work from my lunch hour and the men around my place of business think that running the streets of the ghetto is a good lunch time workout. Well normal I’m not opposed to this little ritual but this particular gentleman was quite different. He was sporting white tube socks pulled up as high as they would go on his ghostly white calves and running shorts. I’m talking serious runners running shorts here…the kind that aren’t really sewn together on the sides. He didn’t have terrible legs but then as I was passing him I noticed he wasn't wearing a shirt…this man had a very large pot belly. I’m not sure if he had chest hair or if the wincing had caused me to see something that made me throw up in my mouth a little bit?! I saw this guy again today and I can only be grateful for the oversized t-shirt he was sporting. I’m not exactly sure where I might have been going with this but it was too good not share and too disturbing to let linger in my brain any longer, glad I got that out!


I want to point out that I do NOT drink enough water. I’m staring at my untouched glass from this morning and wishing I just chug it all right now, unfortunately I’m not one of those people who can just drink. Unless I’m hot, I have to be eating to be even remotely interested in drinking. I guess this is only semi true because just today I’ve managed to drink a cup of coffee, a glass of apple juice and a glass of tea…that all has water in it, right?! RIGHT?! I know the benefits of water I just can’t force it down but I need to start trying harder.

For you out there keeping track I bought the cinnamon chips again; however in a week’s time I have yet to open them! As my mom would say, “YAY ME”!

Nothing to do with anything!

So the last few days I chose not to wear my normal make-up and opted for subtle beauty. I don’t think I cake my make-up on but some would say my rather fashionable smokey eyes are too dark. This was first pointed out to me from across a crowded dinner table filled with 15 or so of my closest relatives by my lovely grandmother who’d been wincing at me from across the way all night. I thought perhaps it was because she was looking at me adoringly since I traveled such a long distance to see her and the rest of my family…I was sadly mistaken. I guess you become more honest with age, from across the table I hear, “Rebecca!!” unsuspectingly I say “Yes Mimee?” “You’re make-ups too dark!” she exclaimed angrily…in that moment I had that experience that movies are always haming up when you walk into prom to realize that you tucked your dress into your undies and the music screeches to a halt and all eyes are on you! Normally this kind of thing doesn’t embarrass me but I think at that moment of being completely blindsided I realized how much older and distinguished I thought and still think I look with the makeup on instead of like a freshman in college. She took my cleverly planned disguise and outed me in front of everyone. This leads me to current day and where I was originally going with this. Five times yesterday I was asked if I was tired or sick! Is it sad that I wear enough makeup that I am unrecognizable without it? My mom would say no, but of course, she’s biased…my dad asks me who I got in a fight with (my two black eyes, get it? Har har). The day before I went to get my nails done in the same “condition” I casually mentioned my husband and daughter and for the second time in two days the lady gasped and said, “my goodness, I thought you were in college, you don’t look old enough for all that.” It seems to me that some little alarm should be sounding in their inner monologue that’s saying ABORT ABORT! Apparently not because the day before a lady was trying to sell me skin products for “my age group” which turned out to be for teenagers. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for the youthful genes it’s just sad that I don’t feel comfortable walking around outside my house with a naked face! Is it because I feel the need to hide behind it? I know I wear it to look “pretty” but also because I see make-up as an art form for my face! It seems like some underlying self confidence issues; yes I know, I guess I better put this on the list for things to work on just in case!!


More importantly what does this have to do with eating right and exercise? Absolutely nothing…so here goes, I had a 100 calorish size box of cocoa puffs and ridiculously large coffee filled with enough sugar and creamer to power a 2 year old for 3 days straight. At lunchtime I decided to get a protein plate minus the white chocolate mocha only to find out that Starbucks sold out of them at 8:30 that morning! Instead I got the chicken humus plate; it came with no fruit and cucumber which I so desperately hate! I choked it down and ate the other 2 ½ servings of cinnamon chips left over from yesterday. Some friends came in and as I was forcing my new found heaven on them they forced me to do the math 60 over 140…42% fat, well hell! It didn’t stop me from finishing the bag and I’d almost bet you it won’t stop me from buying more…sad isn’t it?! Even after knowing the truth I still refuse to stop, I have a feeling I’m not the only one! How do you overcome this? I’m not sure yet, we can put that on our list too!! Mmmm working out today, I walked to the printer a LOT! That’s all I plan on doing since this is a late day and seriously picking up my daughter and general play with her is a work out, especially now that I have to pry her out of furniture every few minutes that she’s wedged herself into while pursuing one of our unsuspecting cats for a handful of fur! So there, that’s my rant for today!!

The Beginning

As my first official post, I’d like say how excited I am to finally be writing. I don’t know that I’m any good at this blogging business; however I don’t think that it matters as long as it’s serving its general purpose of keeping me on track.


With that out of the way, I’ve officially gone to the gym 3 times in 3 weeks. This is a sad little number, as usual the normal woes of life have been keeping me inside a bubble of noncommittal behaviors…visitors here, more interesting activities there and my personal favorite, lack of time. This is not just an excuse; trust me I’ve convinced myself! I work 4 hours on Tuesdays, 9 hours on Wednesdays and Thursday and 8 hours on Friday. Saturday and Sunday are my primary workout days…the baby wakes up, I feed her and then flee to the gym for an hour or until my water runs out while my husband keeps her at bay. Yes I know I don’t work Mondays and only 4 hours on Tuesday, but I can’t bring myself to leave her on the days my husband is out. So I’ve decided on those days I need to do an at home work out. Never fear I have bought an oversized exercise ball and a medium band that Women’s Health tells me will do the trick. I have yet to experiment with these little beauties but the results seem promising! As far as Friday goes I have a very firm belief in NOT starting my weekends with sweat and the possibility of tears, so it’s out. Maybe I’m being inflexible and rigid about my schedule, perhaps with time I can get over some of these little issues!

Enough about working out…on to food. I’m ignoring the last 3 weeks intake except for the protein plate from Starbucks that was immediately counteracted by a grande white chocolate mocha. (low fat milk-no whip, of course!) Today in general has been a success, though I did find a new “chip” from Rice Works called Baked Cinnamon…holy crap, they are amazing. Ten chips is a serving and there are 5 servings in bag, so after eating at least 2 ½ servings in my car on the way back to work it’s clear to me that I need to ration these bad boys in to Ziplock bags, which of course I completely forgot to pick up at the store the other day. My goal for eating is to RATION, I want to eat what I like but do it more responsibly…that is the hope, I refuse to diet…tell me not to eat chocolate and that’s a good way to find that I’ve retreated to Hershey Pennsylvania and eaten my body weight in Kisses!

On to dinner and another day! Wish me luck!